Breathe! You are a wonderful Mum

All mums have thoughts and expectations about their new role. These have been gathered over the years from their own mum, relatives, a wide variety of friends, moments observing other mums with their children and plenty of opinion in the media. Ask many women when they are pregnant, what type of mum they want to be and they will reply ‘perfect’. This certainly sets the bar way too high and is impossible to achieve. Far better to aim to be a wonderful or really good mum as these descriptions allow wiggle room!

Ask the same mums-to-be in what ways they want to be perfect and you are like to get a dizzy list of motherly attributes including willing to stay at home all day with their child, never feeling bored by pastimes with their child and never thinking about what life was like pre-baby. My response to these statements is - Hey! Are you aiming to be a good mum or a saint?

If you have these unrealistic ideas in your head before your baby is born, within a few weeks you could find the whole situation overwhelming. As a new mum myself, I was trying to be wonder woman with a sparkling home, freshly cooked meals for hubby and the baby and I looking perfect at all times. Within a few weeks, I was feeling tired and blue. Linda my friend across the road whose baby was just a couple of months older than Claire was exactly the same till one weekend, she had a breakdown – It was the ‘wake up call’ I needed and I realised I had to slow down. Well that and falling asleep in the aerobic class!

Don’t try and be perfect!

It is actually good to be human and to not get everything done and to make mistakes because as your baby grows, a valuable lesson for them to learn – is that doing your best is all that is needed and everyone has faults.

You may feel that your house needs a dust but everyone coming to see you are keen to see you and your beautiful baby – they won’t be wearing white gloves to check the top of your picture frames! If you are not convinced, think about it, do you realise notice every detail when you go to your friend’s home or are you busy catching up on news?

A perfect home is a goal we all aim for, but early on, I realised that the sooner you dust, the sooner you need to dust again!

Don’t spend all your time doing housework, enjoy time with your baby and getting out and about together. As you baby becomes a toddler, they absorb facts like a sponge and it is fun to see and hear their new skills that you have taught them (even now, I often hear myself being quoted!!)

Although it is good to make delicious home made meals for your partner and baby, cutting corners every now and then doesn’t do any harm at all.

Always accept offers of help from your partner or friends, it is not because they are thinking you are not a good mum, it is because they genuinely want to help.

If someone offers to babysit for a short while, accept their offer because it is amazingly uplifting just to be able to walk to the nearby park, buy and ice cream and enjoy a magazine – how pre-motherhood is that!

Don’t ‘beat yourself up’ if you have not lost all your pregnancy weight – most mums don’t in the first year. It took me longer! Do what you can by eating healthily, cutting the carbs – I walked so many miles I had to have new tyres put on the stroller!

The most important thing is not to push yourself too hard and to really take time to enjoy your baby because how quickly they grow really is a shock – and it is sad because you can never get the time back again.
Don’t aim too high and remember that children do not read parenting books and will remember all the happy activities you shared together rather than the high standards you set.
A wonderful mum -

Gives her child love, happiness and security

Teaches her child to live life to the full and to be compassionate.

Is a good example to her children

Is never too busy to share some fun and laughter.

Teaches her child self-worth and confidence

As you sit and read this, breathe out loudly because you’re a really great mum!